Confessions of a Browncoat Jedi

On Renovations

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 22:07:26 GMT

So I haven't written in here in goodness-knows-how-long, and I really ought to again, given that this is an excellent way to keep a record of my existence and it also may motivate me to start writing fiction again. I have also decided to change things about for myself ever so slightly. My new rules for myself are as follows:

(1) I will post at least twice a week.
(2) Every time I post, I must end by saying a reason I am happy.

My hypothesis is that when a time comes when I am sad, I can flip back through my entries and find lots of reasons why being sad is a silly thing and I should abandon it forthwith.

I may post again later tonight, but for now I will sign off (and get dinner).

Today I am happy because I have a moose named Rupert.

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:19:53 GMT

Sometimes you just want it all to stop.

On Achievement

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 18:38:22 GMT

It's been a while since I've written. Since that time, I turned down the newspaper position (though I'll continue to write stories for sports when needed, I'm really hoping to move to the features desk), and I only have a few regrets - mainly, that I took the easy way out. Who knows? I'm certainly glad not to have the newspaper looming over me almost every single night...

I feel a little bit messed up (and by "a little bit" I mean "extremely") - like I don't belong here. My usual self-esteem issues, and not something worth writing about.

However: I do have something worth writing about. It happened several weeks ago, but the glow of the achievement still shines in every moment of my existence.

My 101 Things to Do list has stalled a bit, though I guess that's natural at the beginning of the school year. But still, I've gotten a few things done: I started work at the Rep, I tried a Philly cheesesteak (which was delicious, by the way), I saw the first Rep show (so that I'm on track to see all six - Passion Play was great, by the way, though the symbolism got away from me a bit by the end). However, none of these can ever compare to my crowning glory, the one thing that had to be done for this to be a success. I achieved the unachievable, surmounted the insurmountable, and I did it right here in New Haven.

I have petted a llama.

There's even this sort of glow on my hair, do you see? No, that's not sunshine. It's a halo of victory.

On Indecision

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:56:02 GMT

I don't have even the slightest idea what to do.

I thought I was sure about wanting to edit for the paper this year. However, I'm realizing now that I'm no longer writing articles every week that I don't miss it at all. I don't really miss the stress, or the long afternoons waiting for sources to get back to me, or the constant feeling of another story hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. And I have no reason to believe editing would be any better; it's a big time commitment, and I'll probably have to give up something like German in order to have enough time for everything.

But... I don't want to regret having given up an opportunity like this in a few years. What if I miss out on something fantastic because of pettiness or fear of too much work? Am I giving up a lot of possibilities for the sake of instant gratification? Am I just being lazy? Am I making a poor decision based on my own whims rather than seizing a chance that could benefit my future? Is it possible I could handle the workload without dropping anything, and I'm just being a coward? Isn't being unhappy for a year worth it if it means I'll get a step up in my adult life? Haven't I been working toward this all along?

So why does the idea make me so unhappy?

On Improvisation

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 22:25:24 GMT

(My userpic is very much used in irony at this point.)

So, after almost a full week of running a fever, dealing with chills and aches (of the head and sundry other places), and feeling just generally (to use the accepted medical term) icky, I'm well enough to interact with people on a regular basis again. With that in mind, I decided to pick up some extra hours at work by standing outside the Yale Rep theatre building and directing patrons to the University Theatre, as that's the location of the first production of the year. Easy enough - just wear usher black. I can do that. I have plenty of black clothes, right?

Well, yes. I have plenty of black clothes. At home. In Wisconsin. Where they are doing me very little good.

So as we speak, I am prepared to sally forth wearing a pair of black pants about an inch too short and a pajama shirt. With a hairband around the back to tighten the shirt, it doesn't look terribly bad... it merely looks like my taste in clothing runs a little toward the sleepwear-esque. Of course, this is assuming no one looks at my back. I could always press myself up against the building and refuse to move. I could claim that I suffer from paranoia and need to reassure myself no one is sneaking up on me.

...I think I need to borrow a black shirt before another one of my nights to usher comes up.

On Repeating the Past

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 06:12:37 GMT

The fact that I'm up at 2:10am on a Saturday night doing homework indicates to me I may be looking at a replay of last year.

To put it another way, I may not get quite so much sleep as would be ideal.

I'm going to get some sleep pretty soon, I think, but I'm getting up at six or so to do some more work... and also to bid on a red trench coat on eBay that would be perfect for my (desired) Halloween costume.

On Withdrawal

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:02:33 GMT

I miss my laptop far too much.

On Leadership

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 18:52:29 GMT

So I'm a couple days into FOCUS now (the service / orientation program I'm helping to lead this year, after having been a participant last year), and I'm... really wishing it were over.

I love the panels. I love the cleanup at the park. I love the service work and the tours of the city.

But I can't handle this massive group of people.

I don't do well in situations like this... I need one-on-one time, or at least someone I already know. I can't make friends as quickly as I need to here, and it's making this very hard on me.

Four more days, I guess. And as much as I love the program... I don't think I'm coming back to it next year.

On Books

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:44:00 GMT

So I did it.

I read 50 new books for the year of 2008.

This opens up a whole new arena of questions, such as: do I get to count the rest of the books I read this year toward next year's tally? 'Cause I somehow doubt that I won't end up reading anything for the remainder of the year, even though I'm sure it won't be nearly as much as I read this summer.

While I consider that, though, I'm going to do my own assessment of what I've read, both because it'll help me sort out my thoughts as to what I've read and because I just kinda of want to.

Basic Statistics:
Fiction Count: 39
Nonfiction Count: 11
Different Authors: 44
Shortest Book: The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka (80 pages)
Longest Book: Confessor - Terry Goodkind (608 pages)

Awards:

Amazon.com Award
Awarded to the book I'm most likely to go out and buy for myself

Nominees:
Watership Down - Richard Adams
Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

Winner: Watership Down

Yes... a book about bunnies. A fantastically well-written book about bunnies, might I add, and one that's enough fun to read that I foresee myself purchasing it within the next few months.

Kleenex Award
Awarded to the book that made me cry the most

Nominees:
White Oleander - Janet Fitch
The Story of Edgar Sawtelle - David Wroblewski
The Art of Racing in the Rain - Garth Stein

Winner: The Art of Racing in the Rain

A funny, touching, adorable book told from the point of view of the family dog. There was no sobbing, but this one did take me beyond damp eyes into actual-tear mode.

Goosebumps Award
Awarded to the book that creeped me out the most

Nominees:
Special Topics in Calamity Physics - Marisha Pessl
Death on the Nile - Agatha Christie
In the Woods - Tana French
Child 44 - Tom Rob Smith
The Likeness - Tana French

Winner: Special Topics in Calamity Physics

Might I mention... this was not creeped out in a good way. I did not enjoy this book - it disturbed me and actually gave me nightmares. If you want a good creepy book, give that to Child 44.

Meh Award
Awarded to the most forgettable book - one I didn't hate but will remember nothing about within a few months

Nominees:
The Secret Scripture - Sebastian Barry
Rise and Shine - Anna Quindlen
The Magician's Assistant - Ann Patchett
The City of Falling Angels - John Berendt
The Slow Moon - Elizabeth Cox

Winner: The Slow Moon
I've already forgotten almost everything about this book. It's a story about a rape case in a small town, I know that much, and I also remember the ending... but it held absolutely nothing out of the ordinary for me.

Biggest Disappointment Award
Awarded to the book for which I had the highest hopes and was subsequently the most disappointed

Nominees:
Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
Special Topics in Calamity Physics - Marisha Pessl
Airframe - Michael Crichton
Atonement - Ian McEwan

Winner: Special Topics in Calamity Physics
This one had to win, since I actually actively disliked it. Eat, Pray, Love was rather meh, especially given all the hype; Airframe was supremely anticlimactic, which was sad given that I've really enjoyed Crichton's work in the past; Atonement, I found myself skimming just to force myself through it. But Special Topics - I was incredibly excited given the reviews I'd read, and now I kinda wish I'd never read that book at all.

Hulk Award
Awarded to the book that made me angriest

Nominee and Winner:
Atmospheric Disturbances - Rivka Galchen

After the positive New York Times review, I was expecting great things - or at least decent things. But I hated this book - I disliked the characters, I thought it tried too hard to be quirky and just became incomprehensible, and I just didn't see the point. "I'm a human Doppler effect!" No. No, you're not.

Best Nonfiction
Awarded to my favorite of the nonfiction books I read this year

Nominees:
All the President's Men - Woodward and Bernstein
The Drunkard's Walk - Leonard Mlodinow
The Rescue Artist - Edward Dolnick

Winner: The Rescue Artist

A book about art theft and about one of the most skillful undercover men in the world. It's a story worthy of fiction, even more effective because it's not.

Best Fiction
Awarded to my favorite of the fiction books I read this year

Nominees:
The Thirteenth Tale - Diane Setterfield
Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
Child 44 - Tom Rob Smith
White Oleander - Janet Fitch
Watership Down - Richard Adams
Lottery - Patricia Wood
The Art of Racing in the Rain - Garth Stein

Winner:
TIE between The Thirteenth Tale and Child 44

< subliminal messaging > You want to read ALL of the books on that list. < /subliminal messaging >

That was fun... and what's even better is that I still haven't run out of things I want to read. I somehow doubt that's even possible...

On WALL-E

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 02:24:28 GMT

At long last, I got the chance to go see WALL-E before it left theaters.

Here I could theoretically enter into a deep discussion of the moral of the story, the foreshadowing, the call to action to prevent our world's destruction at our own hands. I could also discuss in great and thoughtful detail whether I believe the protests of a select few conservatives, who called it "leftist propaganda," to be baseless. I could declare whether or not I found it to be an advertisement for Apple products, expound upon the animation, or predict quite rationally whether I believe it a contender for the 'Best Picture' Oscar.

But in fact, I have just one thing to say.

ROBOTS HOLDING HANDS SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

On the Impending End of Summer Vacation and its Implications

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:16:54 GMT

It's always hard to decide if I'm ready for summer to be over or not. I always miss my family when I go back to New Haven... but on the other hand, I vastly, vastly prefer classes to a full-time job. It makes me wonder how I'm going to get through adulthood...

...I need to find a job I absolutely love, or I will end up completely insane.

I have a lot to finish before I go back, too - most notably, my laptop. I don't know what I'm going to do about it, because there's really no good solution... Also, our cell phone contract with ~~the mole people~~ Sprint doesn't end until August 21st, a day after I leave for Connecticut - which means I'm stuck with my cell phone, which refuses to hold a charge, until at least October. I need groceries once I get there (though I've got bedsheets now, at least), and I need to set up my Connecticut Limo ride from the airport, and packing would probably be a good idea at some point.

However.

Going back also means I get to start learning again in earnest, which I miss - and, most importantly, it means I get to see the people I left behind on the East Coast. It's been way, way too long.

Tomorrow I get to go to every police and fire station in Milwaukee County with the other intern at BCW to deliver flyers... including the ones in the sketchy inner city. This should be interesting.

Also, I went on a picnic Sunday afternoon. My mom and sister and I biked there - around 6 miles, but more like 13 given the detours my mom took so we'd stay in a good area - and I did it with a flat back tire and a seat about half a foot too low.

The food was good - chicken tacos - and there was much tree-climbing involved. (Plus, that was number 86 on my 101 Things list, too.) Afterwards, my stepdad came by with the van and a bike rack, since none of us was really up to riding all the way home.

Then after about ten blocks... the rack broke. Just randomly, it completely snapped, and our bikes were dangling by a few bungee cords and some Velcro straps, bravely enduring in the face of the impossible foe known as gravity.

Yeah. Suffice it to say, that ended up with me sitting on the van floor, clutching onto the bikes to keep them from falling out the open trunk.

I'm so tired... I think I need to try and get a little more sleep...

...and no one's ever heard me say that before.

On the Lamentable State of My Laptop

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 02:58:29 GMT

I talked to the Acer tech people today (hold time was only around fifteen minutes, which could've been much worse).

Yeah. My screen? The one that's all flickery and gray and white and troubling?

Acer will fix it - for $450, minimum, not including shipping.

That's a week and a half of work at the BloodCenter.

Oh, and it's about a quarter of what my computer originally cost.

In conclusion: ARGH.

On the Future of my Finances

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:28:23 GMT

So apparently paying almost $50,000 a year for college will benefit me in the long run...

Ivy Leaguers' Big Edge: Starting Pay

Where people go to college can make a big difference in starting pay, and that difference is largely sustained into midcareer, according to a large study of global compensation.

In the yearlong effort, PayScale Inc., an online provider of global compensation data, surveyed 1.2 million bachelor's degree graduates with a minimum of 10 years of work experience (with a median of 15.5 years). The subjects hailed from more than 300 U.S. schools ranging from state institutions to the Ivy League, and their incomes show that the subject you major in can have little to do with your long-term earning power. PayScale excluded survey respondents who reported having advanced degrees, including M.B.A.s, M.D.s and J.D.s.

Even though graduates from all types of schools increase their earnings throughout their careers, their incomes grow at almost the same rate, according to the survey. For instance, the median starting salary for Ivy Leaguers is 32% higher than that of liberal-arts college graduates -- and at 10 or more years into graduates' working lives, the spread is 34%, according to the survey.

One reason why Ivy Leaguers outpace their peers may be that they tend to choose roles where they're either managing or providing advice, says David Wise, a senior consultant at Hay Group Inc., a global management-consulting firm based in Philadelphia. By contrast, state-school graduates gravitate toward individual contributor and support roles. "Ivy Leaguers probably position themselves better for job opportunities that provide them with significant upside," says Mr. Wise, adding that this is the first survey he's seen that correlates school choice to a point later in a career.

Also, more Ivy League graduates go into finance roles than graduates of other schools, and employers pay a premium for them, says Peter Cappelli, a professor of management and director of the Center for Human Resources at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. "Dartmouth kids get paid more for the same job than kids from Rutgers are [doing]," he says.

Which school pays off the most? According to the survey, graduates of Dartmouth College, an Ivy League college, earn the highest median salary -- $134,000.

Of all Ivy League graduates surveyed, those from Columbia earn the lowest midcareer median salary -- $107,000. Meanwhile, the highest-paid liberal-arts-school graduates, from Bucknell University, earn slightly more -- $110,000.

Mr. Wise called the data thought-provoking. "These results, to some extent, confirm suspicions that many people have about the importance of a person's college choice in giving them better pay opportunities down the line," says Mr. Wise. "What we still don't know is whether or not it's the training or education the school provides that drives these pay differences, or if the people from those schools are just wired to self-select into jobs that are likely to be paid more."

The survey also looked at how much salaries increased over time. Liberal-arts-school graduates see their median total compensation grow by 95% after about 10 years, to $89,379 from $45,747. Meanwhile, graduates of "party schools" (as defined by the 2008 Princeton Review College Guide) aren't that far behind, with their incomes increasing 85% during that time to $84,685 from $45,715.

At the bottom: Engineering-school grads, who earn the highest starting salaries, yet see their paychecks expand just 76% by their career midpoints to $103,842 from $59,058.

Contrary to what many parents tell their children majoring in subjects like political science or philosophy, these degrees won't necessarily leave you in the poorhouse. It can depend on what career path you choose to pursue with that degree. History-majors-turned-business-consultants earn a median total compensation of $104,000, similar to their counterparts who pursued a business major like economics -- whose grads earn about $98,000 overall at midcareer, the PayScale study shows.

English majors in all career paths who graduate from Harvard University earn a median starting salary of $44,500, compared with $35,000 for those with English degrees from Ohio State University -- a 27% difference. And that disparity widens even more after 10 years. By then, English majors from Harvard reported earning $103,000 in median pay, 111% more than their counterparts from Ohio State.

"With a liberal art's degree, it's what you make of it," says Al Lee, director of qualitative analysis at PayScale. "If you're motivated by income, then there are certainly careers in psychology that pay as well as careers out of engineering."

Copyrighted, Dow Jones & Company, Inc. All rights reserved.

My thoughts:

(1) Dartmouth grads earn the most? Color me surprised... I would've pegged Harvard or MIT for that.

(2) Yeah English majors! See? See? I'm not going to have to live in a cardboard box after all!

(3) Or maybe it'll just be a really nice cardboard box. Two stories. With a patio and a view of the ocean.

On Internal Compasses, or Lack Thereof

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 04:08:03 GMT

I managed to get myself spectacularly lost today.

I had to go run a couple of errands at work - pick up stamps at the post office, drop off a DVD at an office somewhere in the Third Ward - and so I turned to Google Maps, because rarely has it let me down before.

I wish I'd paid more attention to that little disclaimer... you know, the one that reads:

These directions are for planning purposes only. You may find that construction projects, traffic, weather, or other events may cause conditions to differ from the map results, and you should plan your route accordingly. You must obey all signs or notices regarding your route.

Conditions differed. They differed indeed.

The very first street I turned onto was blocked off due to construction. Okay, no problem. I'll turn around and take a different right, because they should all theoretically lead to the same place, ja?

Oh. That's funny. The road curves. Well, no big deal, I'll take a left and - oh. That's a one-way street. Okay, no worries, I'll just -

Wait. I'm in a tunnel. Where is there a tunnel near my workplace?

WHY AM I ON THE FREEWAY? HOW AM I SUDDENLY GOING WEST? WHY IS THERE A RANDOM ROUNDABOUT?

Gas light: *ding*

Cell phone: *LOW BATTERY*

Monica: *spontaneous combustion*

On Me

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 02:22:59 GMT

Am I really such a bad daughter that I can't do a single thing well enough to make my mother happy with me?

On Procrastination... and Lawsuits...

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:07:00 GMT

No one has ever said it better than this:

(Found here.)

In other news, the video project I made for work sparked a huge fuss about how we were going to get in huge trouble for copyright infringement. I did tell them there might be copyright issues; I only wish they'd listened and decided not to go forward with it in the first place instead of having me make a video and then flipping out, removing it from every site on which it was posted, and having everyone think I'm trying to bring the place down by getting them sued.

Oh, well. It was a pretty awesome video while it lasted.

On My Current State

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:38:36 GMT

I don't know if I've ever been so lonely before.

On Families

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:17:03 GMT

.My mother has been permanently angry at me for the past few weeks, it seems. I can't seem to do anything right in her eyes anymore. We've got a family vacation coming up this Saturday spanning eight days, until the next Sunday, and I could only get two days off of work, meaning I'm coming up with my aunt and uncle. It's Thursday through Sunday, which is at least a few days.

She says she's not angry, but virtually everything she says to me would suggest otherwise. She asked me if, while I'm home alone, I'd be staying at her house or my dad's. When I said probably my dad's, she got offended - asking why I'm always over there and never stay at her house. I told her it was to take care of our dog, since my dad's going to be gone, too, in Florida - and that made her even angrier, and she decided that must mean I was skipping out on vacation to watch Molly. I pointed out that my dad would be gone until Saturday, and if that were my reason I'd be skipping the entire vacation, and she gave me a look and told me she didn't think she believed me.

I asked if I could help prepare for the vacation, and she rolled her eyes and said no, I wasn't really going anyway, only for a few days. I said I was still part of the family and I could help. She went upstairs without answering. Then, she came back down, glanced at me, and told me I "didn't have to stay."

So I left.

Does she want me over there, or not? I'm trying my best, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. I asked for the week off - twice. I'm coming up as soon as I can. I'd much rather be up at the cabin with my family than home alone working full-time. And, maybe more than anything, I'm tired of my parents playing the "you-like-your-father/mother-more-than-you-like-me" game.

Maybe things will look better tomorrow.

On Indecision

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 16:24:48 GMT

Blast it. I thought I had this double-major-English-Linguistics thing figured out, but looking at the course offerings for next year (which are online finally!), I'm back to debating between Linguistics and Spanish. I need ten term courses for a Spanish degree; at a minimum, I need nine for Linguistics, possibly ten, depending on whether Intro Computer Programming counts toward that major. With Spanish, I'd have more flexibility, I think; Linguistics would require my forgoing some English courses that look really, really cool.

I must reflect upon this...

Also, I vow to myself I'm going to get going on my 101 list. It's summer. I have no excuse.

On Dancing

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:37:13 GMT

I was surfing around randomly, and eventually, I came across a video, entitled "Where the Hell is Matt?". I watched it... and I couldn't stop smiling.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

How amazing would that be? To go all those places and meet all those people? To feel connected, part of something bigger, if only for a little while? The other thing I have to wonder is... if I'd seen him, would I have danced along?

I'd like to think so.

On the Questionableness of the Existence of my Immune System

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 23:10:48 GMT

In a very orderly fashion, I appear to be cycling through every non-serious illness known to humankind.

On Wednesday and Thursday of last week, I lost my voice. On Friday, I had my voice almost entirely back, but I developed a fever. On Saturday, the fever ebbed away and gave rise to a sinus headache and stuffy nose. Sunday saw the headache joined by a rather vicious attack of sneezing as well as some aches and exhaustion. And today, the headache departed around noon, but to ensure the sneezing wouldn't get lonely, my body thoughtfully made room for a bone-rattling, hacking cough.

I'm half-expecting chicken pox next.

On Laryngitis

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 22:43:30 GMT

I cannot talk. At all.

Well, that's a minor exaggeration. At present, I can talk - just not loudly enough that anyone would be able to hear me.

I stayed home from work today, since my boss told me to so as to prevent the infection of my co-workers. However, given that tomorrow, both the women with whom I share an office will be gone, I'm goin' in come heck or high water.

The high water thing is more likely, given that it's RAINING AGAIN.

In other news, I've been tearing through the Wauwatosa Public Library in grand style, but I'm actually beginning to burn out. I didn't think it was possible to read too many books. I've read... fourteen, I think... since I got home on May 22nd. That's a lot, though it is less than one per day.

I should probably start getting a decent amount of sleep, too...

Ah, well. C'est la vie.

On Flash Floods

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 01:57:56 GMT

Well, that was fun. How much more rain do you have to throw at us, Wisconsin? Huh? You want to take this outside- oh. Wait.

So it's been raining profusely all afternoon - there was a tornado headed our way earlier this evening, but it never touched down, so that was okay. The flash flood, however, was not my very favorite thing ever. We only got a bit of water in the basement, but for a half hour my mom, brother, and I worked to keep it that way by bailing our window wells, sidewalks, et cetera. And then we found out that our next door neighbors had ankle-deep water in their basement, so we headed over there along with my stepdad to truck up and down the stairs with buckets of water for an hour or so. We were lucky to get away as easy as we did - being at the top of the hill is incredibly helpful at a time like this... at least we were able to help out a little.

It's raining again. Wisconsin, you and I are going to have words if you don't stop this...

On Publication and the Return to Wisconsin

Tue, 27 May 2008 17:53:43 GMT

I just read four books in three days. That, more than anything else, says it's truly summer.

So the newspaper thing worked out well enough - I was generally in the building something like ten hours per day, and of course, I found mistakes in the published paper, because it's impossible that everything could have gone perfectly. (But seriously, Copy - the guy's name was in the story any number of times. How did you get it wrong in the caption?) I did end up enjoying myself, though - more than I expected - and I think I'm going to try and become one of the editors next year, because as rough as it is depending on writers to get their stuff in, it's kinda fun being in charge.

In other news, my internet at home is out, so I'm writing this from a public library computer. And I have an interview for a full-time marketing job on Thursday morning... wish me luck!

On Leaving

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:29:57 GMT

I don't think anything is sadder than move-out at the end of the year.

I'm sitting in my dorm room right now, staring at the empty shelves and empty walls and empty drawers and wondering where on earth the year went. It may have been one of the best of my life, albeit one of the most exhausting... and now all I've got left are two suitcases, a backpack, a sleeping bag, and a sack of dirty laundry. I don't want to go home for the summer... I didn't want to leave this room.

I'm going to miss my sophomore year.