So I haven't written in here in goodness-knows-how-long, and I really ought to again, given that this is an excellent way to keep a record of my existence and it also may motivate me to start writing fiction again. I have also decided to change things about for myself ever so slightly. My new rules for myself are as follows:

(1) I will post at least twice a week.
(2) Every time I post, I must end by saying a reason I am happy.

My hypothesis is that when a time comes when I am sad, I can flip back through my entries and find lots of reasons why being sad is a silly thing and I should abandon it forthwith.

I may post again later tonight, but for now I will sign off (and get dinner).

Today I am happy because I have a moose named Rupert.

Sometimes you just want it all to stop.

It's been a while since I've written. Since that time, I turned down the newspaper position (though I'll continue to write stories for sports when needed, I'm really hoping to move to the features desk), and I only have a few regrets - mainly, that I took the easy way out. Who knows? I'm certainly glad not to have the newspaper looming over me almost every single night...

I feel a little bit messed up (and by "a little bit" I mean "extremely") - like I don't belong here. My usual self-esteem issues, and not something worth writing about.

However: I do have something worth writing about. It happened several weeks ago, but the glow of the achievement still shines in every moment of my existence.

My 101 Things to Do list has stalled a bit, though I guess that's natural at the beginning of the school year. But still, I've gotten a few things done: I started work at the Rep, I tried a Philly cheesesteak (which was delicious, by the way), I saw the first Rep show (so that I'm on track to see all six - Passion Play was great, by the way, though the symbolism got away from me a bit by the end). However, none of these can ever compare to my crowning glory, the one thing that had to be done for this to be a success. I achieved the unachievable, surmounted the insurmountable, and I did it right here in New Haven.

I have petted a llama.

( Witness my jubilant triumph. )

I don't have even the slightest idea what to do.

I thought I was sure about wanting to edit for the paper this year. However, I'm realizing now that I'm no longer writing articles every week that I don't miss it at all. I don't really miss the stress, or the long afternoons waiting for sources to get back to me, or the constant feeling of another story hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles. And I have no reason to believe editing would be any better; it's a big time commitment, and I'll probably have to give up something like German in order to have enough time for everything.

But... I don't want to regret having given up an opportunity like this in a few years. What if I miss out on something fantastic because of pettiness or fear of too much work? Am I giving up a lot of possibilities for the sake of instant gratification? Am I just being lazy? Am I making a poor decision based on my own whims rather than seizing a chance that could benefit my future? Is it possible I could handle the workload without dropping anything, and I'm just being a coward? Isn't being unhappy for a year worth it if it means I'll get a step up in my adult life? Haven't I been working toward this all along?

So why does the idea make me so unhappy?

(My userpic is very much used in irony at this point.)

So, after almost a full week of running a fever, dealing with chills and aches (of the head and sundry other places), and feeling just generally (to use the accepted medical term) icky, I'm well enough to interact with people on a regular basis again. With that in mind, I decided to pick up some extra hours at work by standing outside the Yale Rep theatre building and directing patrons to the University Theatre, as that's the location of the first production of the year. Easy enough - just wear usher black. I can do that. I have plenty of black clothes, right?

Well, yes. I have plenty of black clothes. At home. In Wisconsin. Where they are doing me very little good.

So as we speak, I am prepared to sally forth wearing a pair of black pants about an inch too short and a pajama shirt. With a hairband around the back to tighten the shirt, it doesn't look terribly bad... it merely looks like my taste in clothing runs a little toward the sleepwear-esque. Of course, this is assuming no one looks at my back. I could always press myself up against the building and refuse to move. I could claim that I suffer from paranoia and need to reassure myself no one is sneaking up on me.

...I think I need to borrow a black shirt before another one of my nights to usher comes up.

The fact that I'm up at 2:10am on a Saturday night doing homework indicates to me I may be looking at a replay of last year.

To put it another way, I may not get quite so much sleep as would be ideal.

I'm going to get some sleep pretty soon, I think, but I'm getting up at six or so to do some more work... and also to bid on a red trench coat on eBay that would be perfect for my (desired) Halloween costume.

I miss my laptop far too much.

So I'm a couple days into FOCUS now (the service / orientation program I'm helping to lead this year, after having been a participant last year), and I'm... really wishing it were over.

I love the panels. I love the cleanup at the park. I love the service work and the tours of the city.

But I can't handle this massive group of people.

I don't do well in situations like this... I need one-on-one time, or at least someone I already know. I can't make friends as quickly as I need to here, and it's making this very hard on me.

Four more days, I guess. And as much as I love the program... I don't think I'm coming back to it next year.

So I did it.

I read 50 new books for the year of 2008.

This opens up a whole new arena of questions, such as: do I get to count the rest of the books I read this year toward next year's tally? 'Cause I somehow doubt that I won't end up reading anything for the remainder of the year, even though I'm sure it won't be nearly as much as I read this summer.

While I consider that, though, I'm going to do my own assessment of what I've read, both because it'll help me sort out my thoughts as to what I've read and because I just kinda of want to.

( So without further ado... )

That was fun... and what's even better is that I still haven't run out of things I want to read. I somehow doubt that's even possible...

At long last, I got the chance to go see WALL-E before it left theaters.

Here I could theoretically enter into a deep discussion of the moral of the story, the foreshadowing, the call to action to prevent our world's destruction at our own hands. I could also discuss in great and thoughtful detail whether I believe the protests of a select few conservatives, who called it "leftist propaganda," to be baseless. I could declare whether or not I found it to be an advertisement for Apple products, expound upon the animation, or predict quite rationally whether I believe it a contender for the 'Best Picture' Oscar.

But in fact, I have just one thing to say.

ROBOTS HOLDING HANDS SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

It's always hard to decide if I'm ready for summer to be over or not. I always miss my family when I go back to New Haven... but on the other hand, I vastly, vastly prefer classes to a full-time job. It makes me wonder how I'm going to get through adulthood...

...I need to find a job I absolutely love, or I will end up completely insane.

I have a lot to finish before I go back, too - most notably, my laptop. I don't know what I'm going to do about it, because there's really no good solution... Also, our cell phone contract with the mole people Sprint doesn't end until August 21st, a day after I leave for Connecticut - which means I'm stuck with my cell phone, which refuses to hold a charge, until at least October. I need groceries once I get there (though I've got bedsheets now, at least), and I need to set up my Connecticut Limo ride from the airport, and packing would probably be a good idea at some point.

However.

Going back also means I get to start learning again in earnest, which I miss - and, most importantly, it means I get to see the people I left behind on the East Coast. It's been way, way too long.

( In other (random) news... )

I'm so tired... I think I need to try and get a little more sleep...

...and no one's ever heard me say that before.

I talked to the Acer tech people today (hold time was only around fifteen minutes, which could've been much worse).

Yeah. My screen? The one that's all flickery and gray and white and troubling?

Acer will fix it - for $450, minimum, not including shipping.

That's a week and a half of work at the BloodCenter.

Oh, and it's about a quarter of what my computer originally cost.

In conclusion: ARGH.

So apparently paying almost $50,000 a year for college will benefit me in the long run...

Ivy Leaguers' Big Edge: Starting Pay

( If you'd rather not click a mysterious link... )

My thoughts:

(1) Dartmouth grads earn the most? Color me surprised... I would've pegged Harvard or MIT for that.

(2) Yeah English majors! See? See? I'm not going to have to live in a cardboard box after all!

(3) Or maybe it'll just be a really nice cardboard box. Two stories. With a patio and a view of the ocean.

I managed to get myself spectacularly lost today.

I had to go run a couple of errands at work - pick up stamps at the post office, drop off a DVD at an office somewhere in the Third Ward - and so I turned to Google Maps, because rarely has it let me down before.

I wish I'd paid more attention to that little disclaimer... you know, the one that reads:

These directions are for planning purposes only. You may find that construction projects, traffic, weather, or other events may cause conditions to differ from the map results, and you should plan your route accordingly. You must obey all signs or notices regarding your route.

Conditions differed. They differed indeed.

The very first street I turned onto was blocked off due to construction. Okay, no problem. I'll turn around and take a different right, because they should all theoretically lead to the same place, ja?

Oh. That's funny. The road curves. Well, no big deal, I'll take a left and - oh. That's a one-way street. Okay, no worries, I'll just -

Wait. I'm in a tunnel. Where is there a tunnel near my workplace?

WHY AM I ON THE FREEWAY? HOW AM I SUDDENLY GOING WEST? WHY IS THERE A RANDOM ROUNDABOUT?

Gas light: *ding*

Cell phone: *LOW BATTERY*

Monica: *spontaneous combustion*

Am I really such a bad daughter that I can't do a single thing well enough to make my mother happy with me?

No one has ever said it better than this:

( It's so very true. )

(Found here.)

In other news, the video project I made for work sparked a huge fuss about how we were going to get in huge trouble for copyright infringement. I did tell them there might be copyright issues; I only wish they'd listened and decided not to go forward with it in the first place instead of having me make a video and then flipping out, removing it from every site on which it was posted, and having everyone think I'm trying to bring the place down by getting them sued.

Oh, well. It was a pretty awesome video while it lasted.

I don't know if I've ever been so lonely before.

( Just venting a little - not angrily, but unhappily. Still, to avoid exposing anyone to melodrama they don't care to see, have a livejournal cut. )

Maybe things will look better tomorrow.

Blast it. I thought I had this double-major-English-Linguistics thing figured out, but looking at the course offerings for next year (which are online finally!), I'm back to debating between Linguistics and Spanish. I need ten term courses for a Spanish degree; at a minimum, I need nine for Linguistics, possibly ten, depending on whether Intro Computer Programming counts toward that major. With Spanish, I'd have more flexibility, I think; Linguistics would require my forgoing some English courses that look really, really cool.

I must reflect upon this...

Also, I vow to myself I'm going to get going on my 101 list. It's summer. I have no excuse.

I was surfing around randomly, and eventually, I came across a video, entitled "Where the Hell is Matt?". I watched it... and I couldn't stop smiling.

( See for yourself... )

How amazing would that be? To go all those places and meet all those people? To feel connected, part of something bigger, if only for a little while? The other thing I have to wonder is... if I'd seen him, would I have danced along?

I'd like to think so.